That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
