So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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