Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
