when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
