he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
