i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
