Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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