It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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