Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
