Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
