You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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