Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
