I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
