My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize