She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
