Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
