It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!