it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
