when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐