New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How's work?
Spinning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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