I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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