I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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