Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
