WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
