You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
