I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
