I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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