I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
