just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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