Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
