Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
