Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
