onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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