Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
