I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
