eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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