i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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