Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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