I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
