The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
