you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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