You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
