She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
