my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
