Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Houston, we have a blender
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
