Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
