I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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