got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
