I hope mine doesn't look like that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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