his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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