I just saw a hot homeless man
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
