he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.