take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.