this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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