how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dating After Heartbreak
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me