somebody snuck up and got me drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
