it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
