And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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