Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
