I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
