Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
