We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drunk is a universal language darling
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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