I hate all girls vehemently.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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