dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
