I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
