PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
