i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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