Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
