Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
