Me. At least after what I've been through.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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