here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
