wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
