no. you can't hotbox the world.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
