we're chasing vodka with high fives
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
