Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
