i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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