She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
