YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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