You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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