I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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