it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
